Relationship

It has been a couple of months since I last wrote my last article, as apart from being on holiday and spending spent some quality time with my own horses, I have been thinking long and hard about what this article should be about. Then I had one of those light bulb moments – both my horses had given their all the other morning, Abee on line and Yafee at liberty and we were having a group scratch – when I suddenly realised that despite writing numerous articles about correct biomechanics, groundwork and riding, I had never written about the most fundamental requirement in horsemanship, relationship.

Of course, by the very nature of the word, everyone has a relationship with their horse. After all any 2 or more beings have a relationship, as the word means nothing more or less than how two (or more) beings connect. So, even if your horse hates you and you hate him – that is a type of relationship. However, that is not the sort of relationship I had in mind. From my perspective the relationship that I want with my horse and that I am referring to as being one of the foundation stones of true horsemanship, is one that is based on trust and respect, where 2 beings WANT to be with each other. A relationship that is truly two-way, where I respect my horses space and take his point of view into consideration and he respects my space and takes my view point into consideration.

If I am honest, I have really only had this type of relationship with my own horses within the past 15 years, despite the fact that horses have played a major part in my life for over 60 years. I had always considered myself a “horse-lover” and would have argued until I was blue in my face that I loved my horses, but it was probably riding that I really loved, rather than the individual horse. When I was a child I dreamt of having a relationship like Joey had with Fury or the young boy had with The Black.  Then I lost that dream, that was fiction, it wasn’t the way real horses behaved. Why should they? After all, I didn’t consider if my horses were really happy with their lot  – whether they liked competing, were frightened of trailers or liked jumping. I just expected them to do what I wanted them to do, when I wanted them to do it – and under no circumstances to try and tell me what they were really thinking or feeling – if they did they were being naughty. After all it was totally “normal” to put a martingale on a horse, use a stronger bit, use spurs or have a horse that was hard to catch, or perhaps difficult to load! It still amazes me to this day  just how blind I was.

If I really want to do amazing things with my horse – to have (in the words of Bent Branderup) “two spirits who want to do what two bodies can do” then I need a superb relationship with my horse as my foundation.  To get this relationship takes time and effort – we have to put aside our ego and appreciate that the horse is as important as we are! Fortunately with horses, it is never too late to build the sort of relationship to which I am referring. They are the most amazingly forgiving creatures and even if you have had a rocky relationship with your horse to date, if you are prepared to invest the time and effort and to start to listen to your horse then you can change that relationship around.

Obviously your safely is of paramount importance. So if your horse is aggressive towards you that needs to be dealt with first  – perhaps even consider calling in a professional to find out why. Most horses aren’t naturally aggressive; so if they are aggressive it is normally caused by pain or fear.

The next step is to spend some undemanding time with your horse – quality time from your horse’s perspective. Go sit in the field with him – and let him come to you. Learn to read his body language, how to observe, and what to observe. Start to be aware of the smallest signs – awareness leads to feel.

If he doesn’t come up to you don’t worry, it might take time ( several or even numerous visits). Spending undemanding time will help your horse gain trust in you and enable you to reflect on what you are really seeing and feeling rather than doing. If you really struggle with “being in the now”, take a good book and just observe your horse occasionally. When your horse does approach, do nothing – let your horse take the first step, touch or whatever, and just be. Don’t scratch or stroke unless you know that your horse really likes it. The time you spend with your horse without doing or expecting anything is time well spent – you will “feel” each other better and understand each other more.

Once your horse is comfortable with coming to you, then your next step is for you to approach your horse in the field. Do just that and only that, walk up to your horse; treat, scratch or do something your horse likes – then walk away. It doesn’t matter if you walk away and sit down or if you walk out of the field completely. You are still totally undemanding of your horse. Do this for a few days, does he start to want to stay with you? Then think about taking your horse out for walks – gentle ambles along the lanes – going from one grazing patch to another.

One you have worked on the basics of the relationship – it is time to strengthen that connection by learning and using a new language, the horse-human language. This isn’t just a “Natural Horsemanship” concept –   communication is the foundation for good horsemanship!

Body language is the key to you understanding your horse and your horse understanding you. Start to think about what your body is saying to your horse, are you applying too much pressure? Is your message congruent? Is your primary aid (body) at odds with your secondary aid (rein/whip)? Learn to read what your horse is saying to you – the head turned away, a relaxed neck,  a high head, a twitch of an ear, a wrinkled nose, a tail swish – all mean something. Learning to “speak” and “read” takes time and effort. If you need help ask a professional for a few lessons as this can help speed up your learning process and stop you making some elementary mistakes.

Once you have the basics in place you can continue to develop your communication skills and relationship with training your horse, either on the ground, in the saddle or a combination of the both.

 

 

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